urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42 If you think peace is a common goal that goes to show how little you know Veronica 2006-07-23T02:02:08Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:44856 2006-07-23T01:56:55Z 2006-07-23T02:02:08Z hamburgers popping through my head Peeping my head in every now and then as usual.<br />Thinking about updating my user info.<br />Alot has changed since then.<br />I'll try harder to pay more attention to this journal then, I have been dropped by a few friends on this journal in my absence<br />but i prefer to not have to many on a journal only people I feel I can trust, at least somewhat.<br />Have to jet but I'll write again in the next couple of days<br />Hoorah urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:44664 2006-05-05T21:38:33Z 2006-05-05T21:38:33Z Talking Heads It certainly has been a long time. <br /><br />Lets see things that have changed in the past few months:<br />Not working however going back to school.<br />All three girls are now in school<br />I have joined a roller derby league<br />Jason got a promotion at his first job and is now the head chef at his mother in laws restaurant up in Auberry.<br />Jaylen was excepted for the GATE program at school. VERY PROUD!<br />I play tennis now<br />and have been doing a lot more gardening.<br />I have been going out a lot more lately<br />Things are doing well.<br />Oh and I finally have a picture up for this thing. Woohoo<br />~V~ urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:44429 2006-03-04T01:22:26Z 2006-03-04T01:22:26Z My heart goes out to Yvonne. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:44212 2006-01-19T19:04:52Z 2006-01-19T19:04:52Z Damien Rice I am getting a little antsy not working, however I am going back in about a month. I will work at my husbands restaurant. Probably just on the weekends but its better than nothing. I hope to take a class in the summer , I'm trying to talk Eleanor into joining me. Maybe she will, that would be nice, those halls can get a little lonely sometimes. Well I have things to do. Have to jet. V urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:43687 2006-01-16T19:11:46Z 2006-01-16T19:11:46Z GORILLAZ Had an interesting weekend started out bad ended up good. So life at home is turning out to be okay. I have made sure that I keep up on my hobbies I want to master as much as I can. I have an appointment on Wednesday at the adult school to go back and get my diploma I want to be in school so bad but I have to be realistic, right now is not a good time. So at least I can go back and change my biggest regret of not graduating. It will keep me busy and stimulated and at least I can feel like I am accomplishing something. I liked to party back in the old days and I didn't have a lot of guidance, so I dropped out and started to desperately search for some stability well I have found it and now I can show my children that I did it. I was a very very lost soul in my high school days. I try not to blame my mistakes on anything but my own doings but now that I am older I can see that I had no control over the things that I experienced back then. Instead of crying about it and saying "BooHoo I had it so rough that's why I fucked up" I want to be able to say "Yeah I fucked up but I found my way back and turned it around." So obviously I am very excited about this on many different levels.<br /><br /><br />On that note<br />Here's to me and what I PLAN(not hope)TO ACCOMPLISH<br /><br />I THINK I CAN<br />I THINK I CAN<br />I THINK I KNOW I CAN <br />I KNOW I CAN<br />I CAN<br /><br />I WILL<br /><br />PEACE urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:43489 2006-01-10T19:44:33Z 2006-01-10T19:44:33Z Not much going on lately. I am home now the my children and I didn't realize how much I missed it. Actually scratch that, I did realize how much I missed it. I wish I didn't have to leave my job. But I guess things happen for a reason. I am almost done with knitting a scarf. Its not the prettiest thing but I am getting a lot of practice. Jay and my anniversary is coming up 5 long years married, they have been tough we have been through a lot together. Death, birth, hunger, accomplishment, struggle ,sacrifice, celebration, comfort, friendship, vulnerability. I felt we weren't going to make it acouple of times but we stuck together. We have come so far the past six and a half years together. We have gotten a lot done and have built a little home for us and our children. Just sitting by the fire while he is playing guitar and I am fiddling with mt knitting and the kids are in the next room playing is such a nice little reality. It makes me kind of excited about what more we can accomplish. Have to jet. peace urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:43019 2006-01-03T19:07:02Z 2006-01-03T19:07:02Z Eleanor beating her children It's a whole new year and I have come to all new realizations, revelations and some more resolutions. For one I am not fucking around any more. No more letting people fuck with me. I have gathered more courage and determination. I have different avenues to venture down and I have adopted new hobbies. Jay got me a guitar and I am learning to knit. I have also decided to do some more gardening this year and I have also decided to take up cooking. I am going to make my marriage work and be better to my husband . My children have always come first so not much is going to change there except I can always learn to be more patient but I am going to rearrange my priorities. All the little trivial and petty stuff that has bothered me before........all I have to say to that is suck it bitch and get the fuck out of my way. Peace and love!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:42927 2005-12-04T00:00:47Z 2005-12-04T00:00:47Z Rage against the machine Jason busted his ass putting together a birthday party for me. He also got me some really good gifts this year. He is so sweet. I enjoyed myself last night. However twenty nine is a weird one. I am happy that I am older but I am also sad that I am older. I don't know its weird. But I do have a lot to be thankful for and proud of. I know to many people my age who have not progressed or even changed there lives in years. I think all of us or at least most of us are truely beginning to realize that we are about to be thirty somethings. My brother says it gets a little easier in the thirtys. My early twenty's were a breeze and they were fun. I partied, my goodness did I party but the later years were, ARE, very tough. All and all I am excited. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:42704 2005-12-02T16:07:47Z 2005-12-02T16:07:47Z You can all suck it urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:42414 2005-11-27T22:25:48Z 2005-11-27T22:25:48Z Football I work so much. it consumes so much of my time. I also apparently hurt someones feelings stating something that I presumed innocent however she took offense so now I must watch what I say. And you know who you are. I apologize. well to catch up. not much has changed I am still working however i am having personality clashes with my bosses. Suprise,Suprise. Jay and I are getting along better, we are about to celebrate five years being married. I' m about to turn 29. Ahhhhhh, I'm not a little girl anymore. i'm almost a grown up. twenty nine is a very unsettling figure. But all in all I do have it alot together than alot of people I know.I spent the Holiday with my favorite man in the world. my brother. Well i'll catch up later.~V~ urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:42192 2005-10-09T18:06:27Z 2005-10-09T18:06:27Z Back to work tomorrow. But thats ok I am starting my count down until I go see System of a Down. I can't wait. I have a whole lot going on right now but I don't want to take the time or energy to explain right now. See ya urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:41778 2005-10-07T18:51:14Z 2005-10-07T18:51:14Z At moms on my lunch break. work, children,, husband are going well and we are buying our System of a Down tickets today I took the next moring off of work so I can sleep in. I have to head to work now. Peace out y'all urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:41500 2005-09-26T18:20:50Z 2005-09-26T18:22:04Z for those who care. I have decided that at this point it would be best to go back to Jason for a while. We really want to work it out. But do you ever feel like there is so much water under the bridge you are drowning? I have a really good man, I know how I feel and I know what I might have to do. but I would hate regrettng that I left Jason. He is a really good man. Lets pros and cons for a minute.<br /><br /><br />PRO'S<br />Great father<br />good provider<br />works really hard and has a great work ethic<br />has goals<br />EVERYTHING he does he does for me and the kids<br />helps around the house<br />can fix the car on his own<br />handyman<br />absolutely adores me<br />my mom loves him<br />my friends love him<br />my friends moms love him<br />gentle<br />caring<br />great cook <br />loves to cook<br />cares more for my happiness that his own(I don't necessarily know if thats a pro)<br />handsome<br />funny<br />silly<br />sincere<br />knowledgeable<br />mountain man loves nature<br />does yard work<br />takes care of me<br />considers my feelings before he makes any decisions<br />not abusive<br />and so on and so on<br /><br />I mean look at that list does that not list everything a woman would want in a man.<br />Now the list has not always been that long. thefirst few years he was much different<br />never helped around the house. He used to put work before me and the kids<br />he didn't always consider my feelings.<br />and so on and so on<br />can you see my confusion<br />what to do what to do. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:41001 2005-09-21T02:03:21Z 2005-09-21T02:03:21Z Everybody loves Ramond But here we go. I have left my husband. For good? I don't know. we'll have to see. I have a lot going on at work and the winter is almost upon us. I HATE WINTER. So I am alittle stressed right now. Well off I go. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:40792 2005-09-15T15:06:46Z 2005-09-15T15:06:46Z I had a breakdown yesterday. I mean a major melt down. I ended up in the hopital connected to heart monitors because I couldn't breathe. After x rays and an EKG it end up that I am just to stressed out. I carry to much on my shoulders sometimes it gets to heavy for me to carry it all. Everyone keeps telling me to get on meds. I can't help but to feel defeated if i get them. But after yestersday I am seriously thinking about it. Got to head to work. peace urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:40696 2005-09-11T23:26:47Z 2005-09-11T23:26:47Z Elle's mix I have to go back to work tomorrow. Sundays go by so fast. I had a good weekend I spent time with my children and husband. Celebrated birthdays and watched some football. NINERS kicking ass. I am about to go home and rest before I have to get ready for work. peace out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:40375 2005-09-10T00:30:58Z 2005-09-10T00:30:58Z It is also the day my father died 15 years ago. 15 years 15 years. I don't even feel old enough to have a memory 15 years old. I miss him. I feel cheated. I have to go now. peace out V. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:40112 2005-09-08T15:35:35Z 2005-09-08T15:35:35Z So it has been a while a long while since I have even looked at this silly journal. As far as my last post. Jay and I are trying to work things out, but you know that whole routine, you work things out for a while and things just end up being right where they were before. We have discussed my next step. If things get bad again I am going to get a little apartment for me and the girls and Jay and I seperating for a while. He is going to help me pay for rent but I will pay for the rest. It will be tough but we have to do something now. We have tryed other things maybe we just need to symbolicly try starting over by slowing down and dating again. I know we can never truely start over, there is to much water under the bridge. HE WAS A DICK IN THE BEGINNING and all these years later as petty and inmature as it sounds I am having trouble letting go of some things. I DO NOT LIKE BEING FUCKED WITH. I don't like when other people make me question myself and who I am. I have traveled a very long hard road I need my strength. Well, I have to take my mother to the doctor and then head off to work. Check back when I can I hope all is well. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:39827 2005-08-23T17:29:00Z 2005-08-23T17:29:00Z How sad, my husband and I aren't doing very well. I will be staying with my mother for a few days maybe time away will bring us closer together. I have to try everything before I completely give up. i have to go to work right now. I have a lot to do today. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:39448 2005-08-16T15:01:40Z 2005-08-16T15:01:40Z I had a lot of fun<br />suprizingly enough.<br />we went and celebrated Eleanors birthday.<br />I have to jam to work now i just wanted to<br />post something real quick.<br />Hope all is well in LJ land. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:39324 2005-08-13T17:03:22Z 2005-08-13T17:04:13Z Dave Mathews I am at Eleanor's house. NEW HOUSE that is. My purse got stolen last night out of my car in front of her house last night. So now Eleanor owes me A LOT of money. I mean a lot. <br />Well work is going well<br />I have been training lately.<br />there is so much information to know.<br /><br />NOt much else going on lately I have been working like crazy<br />Peace out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:39101 2005-08-08T01:18:32Z 2005-08-08T01:18:32Z So obviously I didn't write the last entry. However I can not correct or deny any of it because it is ALL TRUE. You can all thank my brother for helping me come out of the closet. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:38785 2005-08-08T01:09:12Z 2005-08-08T01:09:12Z i love women, i thought i liked men but i realize i love women, i mean my husband is great and all but he is a man.I knew i loved women after watching monster falling completely in love with charlize therons charecter .i am also a complete and total dork, i mean dork. i can't believe how dorky i am. I cant beilive they havn't put me away cuz of my dorkiness. dorky dork dork dork. i love women and i am a dork.along with tha i DO think i am the most beautiful woman on this earth.even you reading this journal, that's right.you can not touch my beauty.also for your own good you should send money to my brother mike,lots of money or you will feel my woman loving,dorky,beautiful wrath.check or money order to 244 lazywoods road,santa cruz california 95028 thank you and godbless urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:38451 2005-07-30T16:25:18Z 2005-07-30T16:25:18Z nothin Okay were going through some serious shiznit right now, however we are going to still try and party tonight. I start work in two days everyone keeps asking me if I nervous but I' m not I will do good at this job.<br /><br />I am SO bogged down right now<br />with things on my mind<br />I can't believe how much money has taken over my life.<br /><br />aahhhhhh<br />I must sleep soon or my head is going to fall off my body<br />Hmm that was kind of a wierd statement to make huh?<br /><br />Ok well, all you bitch's and hoes beware cause I will fuck you up<br /><br /><br /><br />and another quote<br />"you know for a clown fish he really isn't that funny" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kashmir42:38362 2005-07-28T22:05:45Z 2005-07-28T22:05:45Z nada nada nada, nada damn thing especially when it's tragic.<br />I have to go shop tomorrow for work clothes<br />first I must drop the children at school<br />breakfast with mom<br />and then off to pay bills.<br />great line up for a Friday huh?<br /><br />and away we go<br /><br /><br />Quote<br />"I gave her my heart she gave me a pen"